Kiss You Goodbye
by qwertyuiopkjhgfdssazxcvbnm
Summary: Post Civil War. Minor Spoilers. Natasha Romanoff sets off to make things right after the events of the airport battle. Her former teammates and friends however, have made such a simple task an impossible thing to do because: 1. They seemed to have disappeared off the face of the Earth; and 2. She was afraid of how Steve would react to her presence. Romanogers.
**Author's Note** **: Flipping frogs! I actually finished this little one-shot in time! Haha! In my country, Captain America: Civil War had been released a week ago (April 27, 2016), and since then I've been coming up with all sorts of plots involving the relationship between the soldier and the spy, and ended up with this little thing to post a short while after the movie is released on May 6, which is (I think) the date when the whole world will have the film in their country.**

 **My train of thought throughout the whole movie was that Natasha may have been secretly helping Cap without him knowing it. Because seriously, how does Sharon Carter, who is only an agent, break into an assumingly heavily guarded room containing Cap's shield and Falcon's wings _without getting caught_? Not without help from a super spy, that's how! (Or, at least that's what I was going with when I thought of Sharon getting their gear and stuff.) (P.S This short story doesn't touch on this. I am only sharing my thoughts...)**

 **But this one-shot is PURELY Steve x Natasha and we're going to see an ending to Steve x Sharon that does _NOT_ involve Steve just realizing he loves Nat more (which, face it, for us shippers, he _does_ ) or Sharon being portrayed as a mega-bitch. Because character bashing is overrated.**

 **ENJOY! x**

* * *

 _Kiss You Goodbye_

* * *

"Will you do me a favor and call that nurse?" She looked up at the man in front of her, a glint of playful teasing in her pale green eyes. Steve let out a small huff - somewhere between a sarcastic laugh and a light hearted chuckle.

"She's not a nurse," was his subtle reply. Natasha almost allowed herself the feeling of hope; while incredibly dumb and school-girl-like, it was the kind of emotion that made her feel less like an assassin and more like a woman. She did not, however, permit these thoughts to run rampid across her mind. She couldn't.

To cover up the small slip in her demeanor, she quipped, "And you're not a S.H.I.E.L.D agent."

"What was her name again?"

Natasha resisted the urge to cry a little. The man in front of her had become so important to her in the hours they'd spent trying to bring HYDRA down. Now, she knew she had to let him go. She just couldn't bear the thought that she could be worthy for the super soldier. "Sharon," she answered, not looking at his eyes. "She's nice."

Both shared the same sad, forced smiles, and for a seemingly never-ending moment, the soldier and the spy locked gazes. A whirlpool of hesitant feelings, uncertain hopes, secret desires and a fleeting kiss was flashing through soft blue and intense green. The corner of Natasha's lips quirked upward just the tiniest bit, and she gently took hold of his leather jacket, tugging him closer until she felt his skin on her lips.

The small kiss left both with tingling sensations on where they touched. At that moment, the bond between them had been made. Secretly, tentatively, and unknowingly made, but it was there nonetheless.

The spy turned before Steve could react. After a few steps she turned around, and frowned just a little at the stoic expression on his face.

"Be careful, Steve," she said, when she couldn't take being there anymore. Her voice was close to being monotone, but there was a hint of concern and warning hidden beneath. She allowed her gaze to last longer than it should have while she continued, "You might not want to pull on that thread."

She walked away then, thinking: _what a sad ending to a wonderful mission._

* * *

That had happened so long ago, and so much has happened since then.

Natasha couldn't bear to recount all the mistakes she'd done, and all the consequences her actions had brought upon her teammates. All of whom had only treated her with respect and friendliness she, as a child and later as an assassin, was never given. Although they had made their own errors as well, she couldn't help but beat herself up; the thought of failing yet another set of people in her life making her crumble.

 _I'm not the one that needs to watch their back_.

She knew that those were the last words anyone had ever heard her speak since the aftermath of the airport battle. A true act of defiance, and perhaps, a proclammation. Even if she'd agreed with Tony, everyone now knew she would always be Captain America's right hand woman.

However, often times she caught herself wondering whether or not that sentence was truth or lie (in terms of it being addressed to Tony Stark and not used to let everyone know she gave Steve Rogers her protection), given that there were multiple variables which proved it right and wrong. As she thought this over, though, her mind wandered down the memory lane as well. Back to the day where she both told Steve to go to another woman, and had soon after placed a small, albeit _genuine_ kiss to the cheek of the super soldier, allowing them both to feel certain amounts of powerful emotions. Afterwards, she decided nothing could ever be black and white, a lesson she should have learned a long time ago.

Now, she was on the run. Ever since she betrayed - Tony's words, not hers - the government by allowing Steve to escape with Bucky, Ross was adding her to the Wanted List. Not that she minded. At least she didn't have to deal with Tony's disappointment as well as Vision and Black Panther's anger. She wasn't sure if anyone had told Rhodey yet...

Nine months had passed since then, and while her first priority was not getting caught, her second was to locate Steve and the others. She had to know that they were safe and sound. Even while she'd somehow kept track of their whereabouts through the news (they were stopping crime as masked vigilantes now, ditching their costumes and opting for a more elusive wear to make sure no one knew it was them) she could never pinpoint their specific location.

(She only wanted to apologize for allowing a civil war to brew between them and pull them apart, but they were making even that simple thing the most difficult task to accomplish.)

One rainy afternoon, at the local coffee shop in Brooklyn, however, it seemed she didn't need to look any further.

She was situated at the farthest corner of the shop, giving her the full view of the glass doors of the building as she sipped her coffee. The warm drink gave her comfort from the chilly weather both outside and inside her.

Halfway through her stay at the coffee shop, the chimes above the doors rang a bittersweet melody, and in came a man with an overly large trenchcoat, wet brown-ish hair and a small goofy smile hidden behind a small beard. Natasha couldn't help but feel her spy instincts telling her that this man was familiar. Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, and as he made the cashier at the counter feel lost between laughing mockingly at him or just standing there awkwardly, she realized why he looked like someone she'd seen before.

Way back then, just after their return to base from the airport, Tony and the others simply glared at her and walked away to meet with Secretary Ross. She was no longer held in a high regard after what had transpired, and while it hurt to have lost some friends she hoped to reconcile with Steve and Clint first. Since she was left alone, she'd used the extra time to do some research on the new recruit to Steve's small band of superheroes and found out a few things about him. That was before Tony had warned her that Black Panther had told her off to the secretary.

That man at the counter was none other than Scott Lang, a.k.a the Ant-Man/Giant-Man, who'd given Tony's side a brief disadvantage during the ill-fated battle. For a moment, back then, Natasha believed she didn't need to interfere like she'd planned, since the captain had already provided a literally massive distraction. Unluckily, for them all though, Tony's side had so much brain power and the mere reference to Star Wars (given by Spiderman) that they had been able to outsmart him and take him down.

She let out a small smirk, dismissing her earlier thoughts and allowing a new one to take over. _Finally._ She could find them.

Roughly twenty minutes later, he walked out of the coffee shop with a plastic bag filled with four cups of what she believed was steaming hot chocolate. She followed him discreetly, keeping her distance but not allowing her sight off of him. This was her one chance. She couldn't lose it. Not when she was so close.

She followed him into a worn down building, a somewhat short ways off from the coffee shop, and made sure her steps were quiet so he couldn't hear her following him in. Even if he did, she had adjusted her position so it would look like she was only going up to her floor instead of following him. He entered the third door on the second floor.

Suddenly feeling nervous, Natasha walked towards the third room, feeling like jelly; and she was about to collapse any moment now, too. She tried to steel herself. It was now or never. She couldn't help but berate herself for being so emotionally unstable right when she had to prepare for whatever their reaction would be when they would see her at their temporary doorstep.

Therefore Natasha found herself standing dumbly in the hallway, her gaze lost in the soft brown wood that made up the door. She kept trying to think of ways she could apologize. _Hello, guys! Long time no see, eh? Look I'm sorry about the whole Sokovian Accords disagreement thing, so why don't we all just sit down and make jokes and act like all that never happened?_

She beat herself up inwardly and opted for the more honest apology. Something sincere and from her heart, and if they wouldn't forgive her... well, she understood. So, she braced herself and chose to take that moment to let them know she was there. Her hands hung limply beside her, however, and she couldn't even raise one up to knock.

She didn't need to.

She heard shuffling behind the door, and her trained ears picked up the soft echo of Wanda's voice. " _... outside... I'm sure..._ "

Sam opened the door shortly afterwards, and Natasha couldn't help but smile a crooked little grin that barely felt joyful and more awkward. "Well, doesn't this seem a little bit familiar?" she commented, hoping her anxiety didn't show on her face.

Sam hesitantly let out a soft chuckle, and replied, "What are you doing here this time, Romanoff? Last time this happened, Cap was with you and the two of you were nasty. Ash and rubble were all over you. You ruined my favorite carpet on the way to the spare room." He mock pouted.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "How rude. Is _'It's nice to see you again, Nat'_ too hard to say?" she quipped, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Besides, everyone I know is trying to arrest me."

Sam smiled and stepped aside. "Not everyone." Natasha hesitantly took a step inside to be greeted by the welcoming faces of Steve and Wanda and the skeptical one of Scott. Natasha cleared her throat. "Hey, guys..." She let out a nervous sigh, and tried to compose herself. This was the most vulnerable state more than one person has ever seen her in. "Look, I came here because... I... I'm just so _sorry_ about... about _everything_... and I... I-"

She felt like she couldn't breath anymore. Steve had taken one full stride towards her while she'd been babbling out an apology and literally scooped her up into his arms. He hugged her tightly and fiercely, as if he would never let her go. For a brief moment, Natasha believed that.

So, slowly, she returned the gesture, hesitating a little. This hug seemed to be the kind she could only share with the man who held her in his arms, and she couldn't believe she was meant for this. Her arms wrapping themselves around him, though, only encouraged the guy to bury his face in her neck and clutch her tighter. "I'm sorry, too, Nat," he whispered, as if he didn't want anyone else to hear him. She shivered, not in fear, but because of the feeling of his breath on her skin. "I thought I lost you." Somehow she knew that the words he'd just spoken, and the tone he'd spoken them with was meant for her.

Only her.

He let her go then, taking a few steps back, a shy smile on his face. Natasha, however, averted her gaze and let it settle on Wanda. The Sokovian stared at her for a moment, as if judging her actions and trying to come up with the appropriate solution for it. Eventually, the girl's face broke out into a happy, wide smile and she ran over to the spy, forcing her back just a bit with the force of the hug.

Natasha laughed heartily before hugging Wanda back, saying, "It's Hug Natasha day today, huh?"

Sam laughed as well. "I didn't hug you just yet, Widow."

Natasha smirked at the former Avenger. She pretended to look him up and down before replying to his statement, "Good. I'd rather not hug you."

She turned to Scott when he suddenly said, "Why are you all trusting her so easily? I recognize her because she's on Ross's Wanted List, but she was still against you during that fight."

Steve took a step forward. Natasha remembered her earlier thoughts, and inwardly smiled, knowing that Steve had also given her his protection. "It's all right, Scott. I trust her with my life, and in fact, she did save me from merely being arrested to dying." He leveled a look at the other man, clearly trying to make a point. "She's helped me more than once, to be honest. So, she may have been against us before, but now? Not anymore."

Scott nodded, and offered Natasha a small smile. "If the Captain trusts you, then I trust you."

Natasha was grateful, but still she looked at her friends with uncertainty. "That's it? You guys won't get mad at me or anything? I expect at least a scolding..."

"Aw, come on, Natasha," Sam answered, looking at her with a sad and wistful smile, as if her were recalling that dark time as well. "We all made our fair share of mistakes back then. We were all acting stupidly on our different views, and instead of talking it out like real adults we ended up fighting each other like stupid kids do over who gets to use the TV remote."

Natasha nodded before asking, "So, how long are you guys staying in Brooklyn?"

"For the time being," Wanda replied, gesturing out the nearest window with her hand. "We are monitoring Brooklyn for now, then we will move to someplace else which may need some help from us."

"Are you coming with us though?" Scott asked. "You're a spy, aren't you? We could use your skills." Natasha froze for at his question for a split second, reminded of a small memory.

 _Not going with him? Not going to stay?_

"Um," Natasha looked at all of them, one by one, before shrugging. "I guess so. I miss the action, and we're all technically on the run."

Scott stroked his beard, praising her, "Point taken."

* * *

The night sky was littered with stars of all sizes, twinkling as if telling her that she was finally where she belonged.

Natasha let out a soft sigh and leaned her forehead against the glass of the window, and closed her eyes. She willed that moment to be stitched into her brain, and she held it close to her heart, as if keeping it there would finally let her believe she was home.

She stayed sitting by the window for what felt like hours, having left her makeshift bed on the couch some time ago. All she could think about was pausing. To just stop running, and fighting, and struggling. To just... stop.

Pause. Enjoy the beauty of life while it lasted. For all she knew, it would all be swept away one day, and the scariest part is that she'll never know when. So beneath the stars she counted her blessings and lived in the moment.

"What are you doing up so late?"

His familiar voice drew her out of her thoughts, and she turned to smile at the slightly bed-ridden Steve. "Aren't you supposed to be asleep, soldier?" she asked, a playful smile dancing on her lips.

Steve huffed and gave her his own teasing grin. "I couldn't sleep. Too many things going on in my brain," he answered. "I thought I'd head to the fridge and grab a glass of milk. Instead, I found you."

"Yeah," Natasha replied softly, turning her head away from him and looking back at the stars. "I guess you did."

She heard him exhale and take a few steps towards her. "What's going on?"

The corners of her lips turned upwards at the familiar question. She did not answer it, though, and Steve tried again. "What are you doing?"

"Star gazing," was her immediate reply. She adjusted herself on her spot by the window sill, and patted the space next to her. Steve smiled softly at her and did as she had gestured. He looked up at the stars as well.

"I never knew Black Widow liked to star gaze," he said after a moment, looking at her with seemed a mixture of surprise and wonder. "I always thought she would be too busy to enjoy simple life things."

Natasha huffed. "Of course she doesn't like to star gaze," she answered, looking up at him. Her eyes, usually so devoid of emotion, were sporting a show of both vulnerability and trust, and Steve only encouraged her, as if saying _I'm not going to tell_. She believed him. "Natasha Romanoff, however, appreciates _simple life things_."

Steve nodded in understanding. "Well, then I like this Natasha Romanoff you speak of."

"You do?"

He looked her in the eye then. "Of course. I have a question for you though." She blinked at him, and he continued, "Back in D.C, in that graveyard, who told me to go call that nurse? Black Widow, or Natasha? And, which woman kissed me on the cheek then?"

Natasha didn't answer for a long time. Steve did not push her, and simply waited.

"Black Widow," she finally said. She closed her eyes and turned her head away from him. "Black Widow was trained not to have close relationships with people. Attachments were a liability. Natasha Romanoff only wanted to kiss you goodbye..."

Silence.

"Sharon and I never worked out."

Natasha's head snapped up in surprise, and her mouth hung agape. Steve chuckled at her reaction, but then his face turned serious as he continued what he'd been saying. "I mean, we kissed once, and she told me it felt right. Well, maybe it did, for _her_." He placed an emphasis on the last word. "All I could really think about, was how she didn't feel like the woman for me. Now, I realize, that the right partner had already given me a kiss. I just wish it meant more than just avoiding the bad guys."

 _Kiss me. What? Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable. Yes they do._

Natasha smiled at the memory, but the grin faded as soon as it had come as the full meaning of Steve's words made its impact into her mind. Her eyes brimmed with tears as blue orbs gazed at her with longing. "I always thought you were meant to be with a Carter, Steve," she whispered as Steve gently cupped her chin, lifting her face up with his thumb as his soft breaths tickled her nose. His other hand snaked its way down and around her waist, pulling her closer to him until she was sitting on his lap. Her voice cracked. "I just... couldn't believe it."

His lips brushed against hers. A small question. Her hands slowly held themselves up on his shoulders and she leaned in closer. _Yes, yes, yes_.

"Then don't," he answered, pressing his lips against hers in such a soft manner that his kiss felt unlike anything she'd ever felt before. For a long time, their lips stayed that way. Locked together.

They were connected to each other in a kiss that was innocent and pure, good and powerful. It didn't feel right. Not really. It felt like fate. Destiny. Two souls exploring a gift they were meant to open one day. It felt like they were supposed to kiss; like the stars above them had planned this moment way before they were both born. For them to come together, in the dead of night, not making love but starting it. With his lips against hers, Natasha decided. She was never going to let this end, and she was never ever going to let him go. Not without one hell of a fight.

They broke apart when they needed air. They didn't, however, break their hold on each other. They only pulled themselves closer (was that even possible?), Natasha resting her head on his chest. "You don't need practice," she recited a little breathlessly. All she could smell was his scent, and it was intoxicating. He ran fingers through her hair, his hands untangling unwanted knots and smoothing out the red.

Steve laughed heartily at her statement, and when he did she felt his laughter shake her head in a way that made her laugh a little too. He held her in his arms like that for the rest of the night. "I told you so."


End file.
